Yielding Life to Him

 I was recently reading through past posts. Chuckling over some, dismissing others as neither charming nor insightful. 

And finding fresh inspiration in those revealing His faithful work in my life.

I'm realizing a theme, a life message if you will, and it is this: God, in His faithfulness to me, deals a death blow to my aberrant will and misguided desire time and time again until more and more of who I am becomes yielded to his Glorious Reign. 

There are the daily regular times of submission, of yielding, of honoring Him above myself -- the mundane choosing to share my toast with a little one, to wash the dishes one more time, to happily make a meal for the visitor. Take note: I speak as though these are trivial choices, mundane as they are. But do not be deceived, for indeed it is the exercise and practice of giving oneself to death in the small thing that enables you to take on that same cross in those times when it looms larger than life itself. For indeed, some of His requests loom very large indeed, and you sense that your very identity is at stake.

It is then that the shadow of that cross overwhelms. You run. You tremble with fear and anger, wrestling with self-will as you battle within against His will which seems contrary to your deepest identity. You want to hide from that shadow, but love for Him draws you relentlessly.   

At long last you bow before the cross, saying yes to Him, yielding your heart and your life. 

And it comes. The death blow is deep, cutting into the inner most part of your being. Intense pain crushes you. Ineffable anguish floods your being and you are lost, engulfed in transcendent agony.

In the yielding, you are somehow sensible of the surreal rendering asunder of your being as your heart is removed and lifted by the Spirit's hands; a scalpel cuts, removing the aberrant will, your very being, your identity. Deep, intense, crippling pain ensues. You bleed long as your very life is slowly drained away.

And there you lie. Lifeless. Broken. Useless it seems. The ache reverberates and throbs. It is beyond words. You are breathless and without any other feeling. 

But you have given yourself to Him. You are His. More His than ever before.

His life begins to flow in, restoring you. Fresh vitality is yours with a heart made new. His reign has taken its rightful place; His will in place your own. 

We must decrease. He must increase. Daily. Incrementally. And even to the very core of our beings. 

Our identity lost to His. Our life in exchange for divine life.