Settled

transition - the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another

It's been a good while since I've written here. A nudge from a dear friend today caused me to check the date on my last post. Time to get at it again, is basically what she said to me. We need friends in our lives, don't we? Good friends, at any rate.

So, what's with the random dictionary entry at the top?

My most recent post was October 2018. Eight months ago.

There's one question I hear routinely from folks these days, "Are you all settled now?"

Well, uh, yes. Well, sort of. Yes, it's certainly home. Uh, no - I mean - we don't have routines. We've not established tenure yet. Um, I think we are. Well, there are some bins I've not even opened yet. And undone things. But we're here.

So the answer should be, "I can't quite tell."

Here's why. We are still transitioning. The change of home was just part of it. The "I'm done with the daily rhythm of schooling" doesn't tell it all.

What looms large in my soul is the quest for a label for this season. I know what I'm transitioning from, but what am I transitioning into? Is it this busyness? Is this the next big thing? What is this busyness about? Is it adding up to a big chunk of Something with a familiar label?

Day by day, one step here and then another till I feel like I'm running. As soon as one idea comes and begins to have fruition another tide of vision rushes in and overtakes the last.

So are we still transitioning? Or is this the plan, the thing I am to be accomplishing? I don't see a blueprint before me. I don't see the whole picture. So I take a step, hoping it is in the right direction, wanting it to add up to something somewhere someday.

This isn't like motherhood, with a schedule to determine and fruit to monitor and success to measure.

That's because the move itself wasn't the culmination of transition. It was just one wave of the process. Is this still the process, or is this the thing, the fruition of that transition?

I'm rambling, dear reader. My thoughts, my sentences, seem as fragmented as my actions. Self-written, compelled, moved without my moving them. "Lord, is this You? I hope so, Lord! My time is running quickly and I want it to be all used for You."

Self discipline is not my forte. I am motivated by passion - readily motivated by passion. Motherhood was a passion with built in constraint. I liked that. I loved that. It suited me perfectly, or so it seemed.

But here I am, without a blueprint, full of vision and passion but without built-in constraint because I don't know the end goal. I don't know the thing. It doesn't have a label. I feel like I am pioneering without a clear picture, a bit of that unknown adventure that is exhilarating and unsettling in turn. In fact, so unknown I'm unsure as to whether we're still transitioning or if we've arrived.

So, are we all settled now?

Settled in Him. Absolutely, totally. And I'm wondering if that will be the answer from here on in.