Lessons Unknown

Often when I am in the midst of trying situations there is a sense of profound cluelessness (is that an oxymoron?)

"Have you learned what He's teaching you yet so you can move on?" friends will inquire of me.

Most of the time, as already indicated, I am quite oblivious of the lessons being presented.

My response could be one of nervousness, insecurity, and at the least, introspection. But never one to be given to lengthy fits of such inward study, I shrug my shoulders and leave the responsibility upon His. They are much bigger and more suited to carrying the weighty matter of schooling me in His holy ways.

I acknowledge my responsibility to seek light and then to walk in light, but I do not claim responsibility to create light. That is His realm alone. So I will not fear my denseness or lack of great insight. I will not feel concern or panic over being "in the dark" - He will shed light when the time is right. I will walk in obedience to what I have been shown, repent when I fail, and ask Him for continued light. But if I lack understanding, I will not try to muster it up on my own. What good could that possibly do, aside from creating a false sense of progress and security? It may feed my pride (for insecurity truly stems from pride) but will not bring me into holiness in the long run.

When needing answers, we ask Him to speak. We lend Him our ears to listen, but it is His divine grace which enables the hearing. When desiring to learn a new lesson, we seek Him as teacher. We lend Him our hearts and minds, but it is His divine grace which writes upon the tablet and enlightens the intellect.

So I will lend Him my ear, my heart, my mind, my eyes, my will. I will dedicate all that I am to Him. That is all I can do. He alone can open, change, impart, and cause to see.

Why trouble myself with things too big for me? It is His problem, His work, and He is more than capable. Even in the midst of profound cluelessness.

Phil. 2:12-13 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.